


Trapped in the Closet

by unwillingadventurer



Category: Callan (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26770846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unwillingadventurer/pseuds/unwillingadventurer
Summary: Trapped in the dark, Callan and Meres are well and truly stuck.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	Trapped in the Closet

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Chippa for the plot bunnies :)

“David, you do realise we’re trapped?” Meres said, sighing as he sat in the darkness and pouted.

“Yes, thank you Mr ‘state the bleedin’ obvious’. I’m quite aware we’re locked in a closet.”

“Think it’s more of a wardrobe,” Meres said, trying to move but accidentally elbowing the door. “Ouch.”

“Are we bloody trapped?” 

“Yes.”

“Well then it doesn’t matter if it’s a wardrobe, a closet, a cupboard or a bleedin’ dining room dresser then does it?!”

“Temper temper.”

Attempting to move again, Meres’ elbow this time made contact with Callan’s face.

“Would you be careful, Toby. How the hell did you get us trapped in here?”

Meres couldn’t see Callan’s face and in a way he was glad he couldn’t because he had an overwhelming desire to put his fist right into it.

“It’s always my fault isn’t. it? The mighty Callan never makes a mistake. They probably locked us in when we came to hide and if I recall it was your idea to get in.”

“Yeah,” Callan sniffed. “Well, whoever got us into this mess, you realise we’re stuck here?”

“Not so, old boy. We have two reasonable choices.”

“Yeah?”

“We either get pulled out by our captors and are shot or stay in here and eventually run out of air.”

Callan laughed. “That’s the choice is it?”

“Well there’s always option three.”

“Go on.”

“I kill you. No gun on me, but bare hands or pen knife?”

“I’m considering. Look just be quiet, Toby, let me think.” Callan shuffled again but as he did so he brushed Meres’ upper leg with his hand, close to his groin.

“Careful there, David, close to the goods. Unless that’s what you were aiming for? Thought you’d get away with a good grope in the dark.”

“Leave it out, mate, I’m trying to find an opening.”

Meres was smirking though Callan couldn’t see it. “Oh yes?” he teased. “Is that what you’re looking for?”

“Just shut up and help me look.”

“What for David? It’s a bog-standard wardrobe, old son, it hasn’t got a back entrance to bloody Narnia.”

“Just feel about, maybe we can find a catch.”

“I’m pretty sure we’re against the wall. And we will be when they find us. We’ll definitely be against the wall, firing squad style.”

“I meant try and break the lock mechanism at the front with something.”

“Your wit?”

“Your knife, cheeky bastard.”

Meres started working on the lock with his knife but it was dark and he caught his hand. “Ah blasted thing, blasted old thing. Bugger it.”

“What you done?”

“Made myself a pretty hat, what do you think I’ve done? I’ve sliced my hand.”

“Come here.” Callan grabbed Meres hand and wrapped his handkerchief around it gently.

“That would be great, David, if it was the right hand.”

“Bloody hell.” He grabbed the other hand and tied the piece of material around it tightly, extra tightly so it hurt slightly. “Give the knife here, I’ll have a go on the lock.”

“Say that is a clean handkerchief, isn’t it?”

“Shut up, let me concentrate.”

“Hurry before I bleed to death.”

“Probably only a scratch.”

For a moment there was silence just the heavy breathing of Callan as he struggled to work the mechanism with the knife. 

“Do you sound like that when you’re in the dark with a bird?”

“Toby, I really don’t want to talk about this with you. And why we’re at it, could you go easy on the aftershave in future, I can barely breathe.”

“I’m sorry, didn’t realise we would be so intimate today. So, shall we talk about something?”

“What?”

“Death. Seeing as we’re staring it in the face.”

“No, mate, we’re staring a door in the face.”

“But seriously, you must think about it, old son?”

“Course. We face it enough in our game. Be strange if we didn’t think about it sometimes. I’m surprised you’re talking about it though, thought you thought you was invincible.”

“Oh, I am but these things need to be discussed once in a while. So, do you ever wonder how it’ll happen?”

Callan sniffed. “Not really. Put all that to the back of my mind.”

“Did you ever think we would die together in a wardrobe?”

Callan laughed. “Nah, didn’t cross my mind. Well, then, Toby, what do you think about?”

“Sometimes I think of that whole thing they say about in your last moments you relive all your best memories.”

“Yeah and what are yours?”

“That’s just it, they seem very similar. It was all work related.”

“Well it’s a large part of our lives. Don’t tell me you’re suddenly craving wifey and six children.”

“No,” Meres said with a chuckle. “Just wondering, that’s all. I have hidden depths, you know?”

“Oh yes, very hidden, so deep we all wonder if you have any heart at all.”

“Don’t have one of those, David. Do you?”

“Buried it a long time ago.”

“You finished that yet?”

“It’s no use Toby, it won’t budge with this thing. I reckon the bastards have scarpered, left us to suffocate or starve. Maybe we should call out.”

“I refuse to shout help.”

“What shall we do then?”

“Hunter will come for us at some point. We can just sit here and wait until then.”

“We could be here weeks. Would we survive each other’s company?”

Meres let out a chuckle. “We can get along if we put in the effort.”

“Blimey, Toby, are you the real Toby Meres or have you been replaced with an alien duplicate?”

“Two of me huh? That would be something!”

“Nah but seriously, best not think about all that death lark.”

“You’re right. Who’s gonna miss us? The only thing I’m concerned about is being found in here with you. The press will think we’ve died in some kinky sex game.”

“And that’d bother you?”

“Huh, not sure really.”

“So you’d shudder at the thought of dying beside me?”

Meres punched Callan lightly on the arm. “There are worst people to die with.”

They both laughed but then Callan sat alert and put his hand over Meres’ mouth. “You hear something?”

“Yes, footsteps in the room. Our killers or our saviours?”

They both held their breath as the footsteps came nearer and nearer.

Meres sniffed and then coughed, holding his hand over his nose. “What is that awful smell? Did we die already and not know it?”

There was a brief pause and then they both said at the same time: “Lonely!”

Callan thundered on the door. “Lonely, Lonely?!”

“Mr Callan?” Came the distant voice. “Where you be, Mr. Callan?”

“Narnia!” Meres shouted.

“Where’s that?”

“We’re in the bleedin’ wardrobe, you fool,” Callan said. “Open the damn door.”

“Oh right. What you doing in there, Mr. Callan and with Mr. Meres too?”

“We’re having an affair,” Meres said with a chuckle.

“You what?” Lonely’s voice was fearful and high-pitched. “I don’t know about all that funny business, Mr. Callan.”

“He’s having you on, you egg, now get this bleedin’ door open before I knock your flamin’ teeth down your throat!”

“How you gonna do that inside a cupboard?”

“It’s a wardrobe!” Meres said, sighing.

After a few moments, the door sprung open and light streamed in. Lonely stood over them, smiling. Callan and Meres got to their feet and stretched their legs as they climbed out of their captivity. They looked at each other and smiled awkwardly. 

“Your hand alright?” Callan said, looking down at Meres bandaged wound.

“I’ll live.”

“Me too by the looks of it.”

“Guess we’ll have to die together some other time, David.”

“Don’t push your luck.”


End file.
